Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Obsessive Cycling Disorder/The Pain Goddess/Balance

     Yesterday I reconnected with an old friend I call my inner pain goddess. She's been absent in my life for a few years now and I welcomed meeting her again on new terms. Terms I knew wouldn't match our previous relationship. Throughout my life this old friend has helped me through many physical challenges, many times it was the suffering of a physical workout that that got me through tough emotional times bringing clarity to my thoughts and a sense of accomplishment, even rest.

     But a few years ago, when I encountered an major emotional crisis my pain goddess let me down--or so I believed.  I could no longer go to that place where I could push my body until my muscles screamed for relief and my lungs could no longer breathe. The pain cave was inaccessible, she kept me out.  It took a long time for me to realize that this was self preservation in the works; that without a stable mind my body wasn't safe from the pain I would inflict on it.  The key to a strong body is a strong mind and vice versa, without each other one will fail.

     So there I was, forced to play her way; stop when she shut off my strength, cry randomly until I felt better, sit in silence and meditate and the most difficult thing: ask my friends for help.  Thankful that friends are always willing and a dear friend once said to me, "My wife (who is a fitness trainer) could torture me with a park bench." From this I realized that yeah, it isn't the bike, the power meter, the whatever, it's a mentality, a willingness to accept what you can do/what you have available and do it to the extent in which you can do it well. So I made that bike path my park bench yesterday, but I let my inner pain goddess decide how hard I could go and when to sit on it. After all, I want her to trust me again; to know that I have learned that sacrificing my body is not a remedy for woes of the heart or head.

     It was good mid-ride to hear her whisper go harder ~so I did~~ and it felt like a welcome hug.  After a series of intervals drawn from memory my quads had a familiar burn, my chest heaved, sweat rolled off my arms and I realized I was drooling and smiling.  I sat up satisfied and elated and in that incredible moment of clarity combined with exhaustion and exhilaration I found the remedy for Obsessive Cycling Disorder:


     Welcome back my old friend, Miss Pain Goddess,  I'll follow your wheel to my new strength.

Friday, September 5, 2014

A little pledge to myself...

I look back over the past two years and realize how fast time passes~~sure that's cliché, but I don't have any other way to put it.  There's another cliché that goes "time flies when you're having fun" however, I think time always flies. I've certainly spent some time in the past 2 years that haven't been fun.

As I look back I regret that lost time; worrying about things that really didn't matter, stressed out over my injuries and feeling disconnected by moving away from my friends AGAIN.  But I'm grateful that as humans, we can (and luckily, I am still alive to do so) change our attitude, our circumstance and embrace what we love most.

So within that theme, I've gone back to this blog and found things that really are important to me; writing, spending time with friends, adventure and travel.  I'm going to place my focus on these things.

I was inspired to make a little pledge to myself when my best friend sent me this T-shirt which I absolutely love!

 It also came with a coffee mug that said "What's the worst that could happen?"

Forget how far, how fast and worrying about the future.
Unplug from the internet.
Call a friend and TALK, not text.
Kick away negativity, control freaks & narcissists.
Invite generosity and courage back into your life.
Time flies, enjoy being present.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I should blog more....

I don't blog as much as I used to ....I should and if I had someone or something to blame it would be my phone. I love taking pictures on rides, at camps and at clinics. This is a good thing that my phone allows me to do. The bad news is that I have the pictures with me or I can text them or post them to Facebook and I never have to go to my computer--which is exactly where I should be in order to post a blog.

So I'm going to try a little harder because frankly I get feedback that you want to read it. Women want to share and I'm happy to read your blogs, so rightfully I can see that you want me to give back too.

For today I'll share some of those pictures and stories with you here--I hope you like them:)
Ann Pagan and I last weekend. Great to see Ann back on her bike less than a year after her tragic accident.  What a hero!
 Ben from SDVeloSocial in San Diego modeling the new kit...came out pretty good:)

MOMS in MOTION Santa Barbara bike ride...fresh from an ocean swim and now onto their bikes--really fun day.
Racheal from Team B4T9 shows off her Tour de France manicure at the local San Diego sunday ride...very cool.

So there it is; some pictures and little caption and tada..a new blog posting is done! Now let's go ride our bikes::))

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Women doing what we love...racing

Women's TT results from Amgen Tour of California
Bakersfield Professional Women Time Trial Results

Place, #, Name, Team, Time

1st: 1 Kristin Armstrong Exergy TWENTY12 39:59.28
2nd: 2 Alison Powers NOW and Novartis for MS 41:23.88
3rd: 7 Jade Wilcoxson Optum Pro Cycling p/b Kelly Benefits Strategies 41:58.08
4th: 4 Alison Tetrick Exergy TWENTY12 42:09.68
5th: 9 Robin Farina NOW and Novartis for MS 42:32.92
6th: 6 Tayler Wiles Exergy TWENTY12 43...:40.40
7th: 3 Emilia Fahlin Specialized-Lululemon 43:42.02
8th: 5 Janel Holcomb Optum Pro Cycling p/b Kelly Benefits Strategies 44:12.46
9th: 10 Loren Rowney Specialized-Lululemon 44:15.59
10th: 8 Bridie O'Donnell Vanderkitten-Focus 44:23.34

Monday, May 14, 2012

Mourning and learning

Today I learned that B4T9 isn’t just about the women who are on the team, it’s about all female cyclists; about women who share a love of the bike, about mothers, daughters, wives, sisters, grandmothers and partners. Some of us are bike racers, some are recreational cyclists, some philanthropists, even some who don’t ride a bike at all.  We all share a love of the sport; for how it empowers women and helps us achieve a healthy fitness level. Cycling allows us to share time with friends, explore new places and meet new people. Every time we throw a leg over the bike and start to pedal we are brave—whether that moment is at a charitable event, a ride with the kids to the beach or even when there’s a chance at standing on the podium at a local bike race.  Every pedal stroke or new mountain top we reach makes us happy, but with that we know and accept that, as with any activity, there are risks of injury and sadly sometimes death.  It is not something we take lightly, accept or want to happen.  Yet, unfortunately it happened this past weekend and we lost Suzanne Rivera and we as a collective group are mourning.  Our team is like family; we share rides, meals, houses, carpools, victories and losses.  We laugh and cry together. …and we have learned that our family is larger than just the team from the amazing outpouring of support from women who ride, race and/or just follow our journeys.  From professionals to beach cruiser gals we have felt so much love and understanding that it is hard to grasp.  As we grieve today and in the days to come, coping will be more difficult than the longest climbs or the hardest races we will ever participate in. If you were lucky enough to meet Suzanne you knew instantly her strength and her joy and for those who did not meet her we know that you would have been inspired by her.  We as a team and a world of female cyclists know that the men, women and children who allow us to follow our passions have strength greater than any of us and this does not go unnoticed.  We grieve for you too, for your sacrifices, your losses and your worry.

Sad news

It is with the heaviest of hearts that I write to you this sad news.  Today, B4T9 teammate Suzanne _____ passed away as a result of a crash at the Mariposa Women’s Stage Race.  Suzanne was a friend, a bike racer, a mother, a wife, an athlete and an amazing fun, spirited woman who we all enjoyed immensely. 

Although new to our team, Suzanne fit in well, was always smiling and encouraged others.  We as a team and as individuals are heartbroken, devastated and sad beyond words that could be written at the loss of Suzanne.  Our thoughts and prayers are with Suzanne, her family and friends on this most anguishing day and for the difficult days they face ahead.

I personally, and all of the team, want to express our gratitude to the nurses, racers and friends who gave their all on site to administer every life saving measure possible.  Everyone was courageous in their effort.

Thank you for your support, prayers and thoughts for the family and friends of Suzanne at this difficult time.

Details of services will be posted at a later date.

With great sadness,

Jill and the B4T9 Team members, sponsors and supporters.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Taking Action for Women's Racing!

Serious Cycling is taking action to equalize the women's and men's prize fields with a new race; The Jailhouse Circuit Race.There's been so much talk going around about women's racing and prize $, it's nice to see people stepping up to the plate to support.  Equal prize $$$ for the 1-2 women and men and a race for CAT 4 women only..also with prize $$.  Thanks to Serious Cycling, Ultramet, WomenCyclist, B4T9, Universal, RCI, Ladyface, The Sheriff's and so many others for this new exciting addition to the 2012 race calendar! Ps....I'm not totally internet savvy, so if you can't see or print this flyer email scott@seriouscycling.com and he will be happy to send you one to pass along::))